In Love with a Star Read online

  “So what?”.

  “Well, it had been hard for me to finish school without Chris helping me with algebra and trigonometry. I had no friends and I felt terribly lonely”, she confessed but avoided saying she had discovered she loved Chris more and more every day and she longed other kisses from him so much she spent whole nights crying.

  Emily stared at her shattered, pushing her to go on.

  “Well, then I went to the ball. That was the party we had been dreaming about since our first year at high school, do you remember?”.

  “Of course. We wanted to get drunk and then find the most good-looking boy in the school to dance with him”, Emily reminded, her smile made sweet by memories.

  “That’s it. That evening at the party, your absence gave me the finishing stroke. I got drunk. Alone. I started dancing with Ethan, but I still hated him for all the naughtiness he had done to me at primary school, so I went on drinking. Again and again, till I fainted…I think. I woke up the next day half-naked in a field, without panties and with pain all over my body”.

  “Are you saying he…he…”, Emily muttered, a mask of terror deforming the perfect features of her face.

  “Raped me? I think so”, she admitted aloud for the first time.

  “Oh, my God!”, Emily exclaimed overwhelmed taking her trembling hand to her mouth. “Did you denounce him?”

  “I couldn’t. The day after Sheila and Brad started making fun about how I had thrown myself into Ethan’s arms, who had been forced to lift me bodily outside. They said that in my delirium, I had declared I was still a virgin, but just for a short time. They all considered that as an invitation for Ethan to jump on me”.

  “But that’s terrible, Leny! But you remember at least…”-

  “I don’t remember anything…luckily. And I don’t want to. I gave my virginity to a bastard, but fate at least let me forget all that. I decided to be strong and pretend nothing had happened. I didn’t talk with anybody about that. The pain in my body disappeared after a few days and I swore to myself I would never touch even a drop of beer anymore. It took me a while to trust men again, but that’s another story”.

  “Poor girl! Why didn’t you ever told me? I feel so guilty… it would never have happened if I hadn’t left”.

  “You mustn’t feel guilty. That was fate”.

  “You should have told me”, Emily said seriously.

  “I wished I could, believe me. I was still shuttered by that event, but when my mum and I left to come and see you, I felt at the seventh heaven. I had missed you so much and I needed to tell you everything, but when we met you were in a mess about the script and you were turning the fifth episode of “Love School”, third season. You were always surrounded by strangers. Everybody was always trying to catch your attention. I couldn’t approach Chris too, then he left for Arizona to turn an action movie. I was so sad and as soon as we could be alone for a while, you overwhelmed me with presents and gossip about your colleagues. I was really very happy for you. I had missed you so much and seeing you were so satisfied made me forget the nights spent crying for your absence. Then there was the interview at Jerry’s Corn talk show and you wanted to talk about me and show me to the public, do you remember?”.

  “Of course, but you didn’t turn up and I played the fool live”.

  “I’m sorry and I didn’t mean to, but they forced me”, she revealed, feeling the stone she had been carrying into her heart all those years roll away.

  “Who?”, Emily got angry.

  “Your agent. Mrs. Marens”.

  “I should have realized that”.

  “She told me if I appeared at the talk show, I would ruin your career”.

  “But why?”, Emily asked bewildered.

  “Because I was ugly and not suitable to the show business. You won’t believe how many physical faults she could find in me: approaching eyes, sticking-out ears, crispy hair, no breast, minimal height, exaggerated weight, flabby buttocks…”.

  “My agent is a bastard like all the others. They are afraid someone could come and steal the scene to their protégés. You were probably too good-looking and charming. A possible rival for me”.

  “I don’t believe it”.

  “You must. And then too much emphasis is put on physical aspect. Believe me, I’ve been called all sorts of names and I was finally forced to turn to plastic surgery”.

  “Really? But you’re gorgeous!”, Leny stated incredulously.

  “If you listen to my agent and to some gossip magazines, I’m full of cellulitis, my skin is opaque and my buttocks are flabby. I was exasperated, so I was finally forced to have my buttocks lifted up a bit and to submit to specific and very boring face treatments to make my skin brighter”.

  Leny couldn’t believe her.

  “Emily, you’re fantastic and perfect”.

  “Yes, but you weren’t there to tell me”.

  “I’m sorry”.

  “No matter, but what does all that have to do with the fact you never came back to Los Angeles?”.

  “You see, I had just had a real stroke with the story of my virginity. I was torn to pieces. Then I came to see you and they told me I was a useless crap. So my self-esteem went to hell and I preferred to keep distances because I didn’t want to ruin your perfect life”.

  “Gosh, Leny! Did you do all that for me? Believe me when I tell you that, when I invited you to come to stay in the house I had bought for us the following summer, I was so happy, but when my aunt called me to tell me you wouldn’t come I spent whole days crying and I hated you when you stood me up the following year too. So I decided that, if you didn’t want the house I had decided to share with you, I would never help you to buy another one in Pieville. That’s why I have always prevented my mother to help you financially. Bu that made me feel guilty like a worm, so I started to send you all those clothes and presents”, Emily admitted keeping her eyes down with shame.

  “You didn’t have to”.

  “On the contrary. Chris and I had promised to share the money we earned with you. We had spent sixteen years in financial strains and we didn’t want to let you alone. You’ve always been very important to us”.

  Talking about Chris made Leny feel depressed again.

  “I don’t believe Chris cares very much about me”, Leny muttered with a dry throat.

  “Chris has missed you so much”, Emily replied angry making Leny feel very mean. “He wanted to come back to Pieville at the end of ‘Love School’ second season to be with you”.

  “Really? So why didn’t he come back anymore? Neither for Arthur?”.

  “Chris and his grandpa had quarreled, then I started to go out with wrong people so he preferred to stay and help me”.

  “So you got together at last”, Leny ended trying to hide the pain which was destroying her.

  “Yes, but it lasted a very short time”.

  “Really? Have you split up?”, she asked quite hopeful, trying to remember the newspaper article she had kept about their happy love affair just a month before.

  “Yes, but it was a long time ago and then it lasted just eight days”, Emily claimed giggling cheerfully.

  “But what are you talking about? The newspapers have been talking about you for ages”.

  “You mustn’t believe what you read. Paper is made to write, don’t you know?”.

  “But…what? I don’t understand”.

  “You see, when I started getting famous, I was invited to all the most important parties. At one of these, I met J.F. of Punks Up. I really did everything I could to approach him and I managed after a year and a half. Believe me, Leny, J.F. is more gorgeous then the posters we hang in my bedroom and we used to train kissing with!”, Emily giggled remembering how she had lost her head over that singer. “Well, when I pretended to clash into him, I decided he would be the first one”.

  “The first one to make love with?”.

  “Yes, and it was fantastic. Wonderful. A lot of VIPs are just bastards w
ho put on airs, but he was really nice and kind to me. I’ll never forget the first time”.

  “But wasn’t he married?”.

  “Yes, he was. He was just twenty-two but he had been married for seven months. He was sweet and lovely, but terribly unfaithful. I absolutely fell in love with him, even if he never showed the intention of leaving his wife and of stopping seducing other women. I went on crying during our story, till Chris forced me to break off with him. What’s more, J.F was cocaine-addicted and I was starting to follow his example”.

  “Oh, my God!”, Leny exclaimed overwhelmed. “But do you still love him?”.

  “No, I don’t! I love someone else now. A man who conquered me with a such a slap in my face to make me cry for the pain”.

  “Did…did he hit you? Did Chris…”, Leny muttered in difficulty.

  “He found me sniffing. I had done that just once before and with J.F.’s help, after we had made love once again. The second time we were at a party instead. Chris had already told me off for my foolishness! He had also warned me he would tell my mother and he had tried to make me open my eyes and understand what a bastard J.F. was, but I felt so lonely and I needed cares and love. That day my Prince Charming with his unkempt beard arrived and when he saw me sitting next to a cocaine strip, he took me by my arm and he slapped me so strongly he almost made me fall to the ground…It was love at first sight!”.

  “I can’t believe Chris has hit you”, Leny commented unsure.

  “Chris has never put his hands on me. We love and respect each other”, she explained annoyed by her cousin’s suppositions.

  “Sorry, I don’t understand. I believed your Prince Charming…”.

  “Chris is not my Prince Charming. I stayed with him just because he offered to comfort me when my prince rejected me. Oh Leny, you can’t understand how it is loving someone so much to remain breathless and not being returned”.

  “Unluckily I understand”, her cousin sighed depressed with the image of Chris’s face in her eyes.

  “Well, I was really depressed. What’s more, we were working together, I met him every day… it was painful! Thanks God I could get over it and I started going out with Chris to make the man of my dreams jealous. One night we were a bit drunk, he took me to the beach and we made sex. Our Chris and I! Can you believe it?”, Emily giggled amused by the thing.

  Leny had to get her face wet to recover, while the colored lights hid her sudden paleness.

  She couldn’t utter a word. She felt she was breaking in two, while her eyes got full of silent tears.

  “Your eyes are red. Are you crying?”, Emily suddenly worried.

  “No, it’s just chlorine. Maybe it’s better if I go home”.

  “No, wait. You must listen to this”.

  No, please. I can’t stand it! Leny burst out sobbing and she let water cover her, to hide her emotions.

  “When we were little girls, I was in love with Chris. A strange love, because I liked him but I considered him just a friend. I’m sure you had a crash on him too”, Emily went on in an ironic tone.

  Leny tried to speak, but pain prevented her from muttering any sound, so she just shrugged with an easy attitude, which Emily took as a confession.

  “I kissed him and pretended to make sex with him on the set thousands of times, when I played the part of Sarah in “Love School”, but in real life I had never thought about that. However that night on the beach we got to the end…and it was awful!”, Emily told cheerfully.

  “Awful?”. That word made Leny down to earth again. From the bit of intimacy she had shared with Chris, she could tell many things, but it hadn’t been surely awful. It had been wonderful and exciting. She would remember forever.

  “Yes, Chris was really awful. Every girl’s nightmare”, she explained lowering her voice.

  Leny stared askance at her confused.

  “Of course Chris can kiss greatly and on the set he makes me easy. When I had my breast touched by him on the scene for the first time, I thanked him for his patience and because he didn’t make me ashamed…but in private life, it’s completely different. Even if he’s well equipped, he would better shut his mouth in those moments”.

  Leny moved away, scared by the grip she felt in her heart and by the jealousy overwhelming her at the thought of her cousin with Chris.

  “Do you want to know what that idiot did?”, Emily tried to make her cousin curious.

  “No, I don’t”, Leny whispered quite scared, but her cousin went on telling the story without listening to her reply.

  “As he was coming inside me, he started shouting the name of someone else. I wished I could kill him, but I decided to forgive him for our friendship’s sake. What’s more, I was using him as a makeshift…but I had never thought that idiot was doing the same thing with me!”.

  Leny tried not to listen to her, but her mind had received every single word and she now felt overwhelmed and doubtful.

  “Is he in love with another girl?”, Leny muttered with a grasp in her stomach.

  “I don’t know. Tell me, since the name was yours!”, Emily exclaimed sulky but at the same time amused by her cousin’s shocked face.

  “Mine?”.

  “Yes, my dear. Just as he was having an orgasm”, she explained sure of herself.

  “Maybe you were wrong”.

  “Leny, I can assure you I could hear him very well and when I pointed it out to him, he was so shuttered he withdrew from me before he could make me come, then he put his hands into his hair muttering silly excuses about being drunk, saying my perfume was like yours and that he was confused, that we had been talking about you before we made sex and other nonsense, till I left him there all alone”.

  Leny couldn’t listen anymore. Just her heart beating fast.

  Chris made my name. Mine!

  “But if you don’t go out with him, why all that fuss yesterday evening and all those interviews about how you’re getting on well together?”.

  “I don’t know what happened yesterday, but Chris came back from anywhere, as furious as I had never seen him. He menaced me and blackmailed me. He told me he wanted us to pretend being together before you”.

  “Have you ever thought it might be an excuse to pair off with you again?”, Leny supposed trying to swallow her sour saliva.

  “Absolutely not! I can distinguish between a man in love and an actor playing a part. Chris is madly in love with you. He has it written on his face and then I’m already going out with another man. He knows. He’s the only one who knows my bearded prince Charming. He knows we are together and he threatened to tell my mother if I didn’t play his game”, she was scared reminding their quarrel.

  “Doesn’t auntie know you’re going out with this prince?”.

  “Absolutely not, and she mustn’t know!”, she fidgeted like a mad woman spraying water everywhere.

  “Why?”

  “Because she wouldn’t agree”

  “Emily, please. Don’t tell me it’s J.F or another drug-addicted”, Leny immediately worried.

  “Only Chris knows who he is. He found it out by chance. I’d really like to tell you, but you must promise me you’ll try to understand me and you’ll never tell anybody, not even to our mums”.

  “I swear”, Leny accepted worrying too much about her cousin.

  “It’s Steven”, she revealed, her eyes blurred with sadness and love.

  “Who’s Steven?”, Leny asked trying to sound out in her mind all the articles she had read, all the tweets and all the TV programs she had watched. Emily had been talking about a bearded prince, but the only Steven that Leny could remember was Steven Maddle, “Love School”, director.

  Emily didn’t answer and she started swimming far away, her face all red.

  “You aren’t talking about Steven Maddle, are you?”, Leny asked suddenly serious. From her cousin’s wide open eyes she immediately understood she had hit the nail on the head. “Emily, are you crazy? Steven Maddle is married and he’s twe
nty years older than us!”.

  “Nineteen years, Leny! Nineteen! Not twenty. Nineteen, fuck!”, Emily justified herself nervously.

  “What a difference! It’s a lot of years, however, shit! And then he’s married!”.

  “He’s separated! He’s keeping up appearances, but his marriage is really dead and buried”, Emily immediately explained cautiously.

  “So, why aren’t you officially together?”.

  “Steven doesn’t want to. He says our story would cause a scandal capable of destroying my career. He says I could appear as a family- spoiler for the press and as a woman who likes older men”, Emily muttered starting crying her eyes out.

  Leny was forced to bite her tongue to avoid adding that would be everyone’s opinion.

  “Emily, you must admit your situation isn’t easy. It’s a love story doomed to fail”.

  “I know, that’s why Chris is pretending to be my boyfriend. In that way, all suspicious are hushed up and all the fans of Sarah and Max’s adventures are happy, which is good for the TV series. What’s more, Chris hates all the female attentions he is subject to, so he’s now out-of-limits, being engaged.

  “Yes, but have you ever thought of finding someone else to love?”.

  “Leny, I’ve been with Steven for five years by now. I love him more than my life. I even bought the house next to his to be closer to him. It cost me a fortune. I had to sell the one I had bought for us to afford it”.

  Leny was thunderstruck.

  “Five years…”.

  “You can’t imagine how many times I have wished I could tell you, but I was too scared of your disapproval and when I came here I was so afraid you could understand what I was hiding, so I tried to keep distances from you all the while. I was feeling so guilty and I feared I had disappointed you. Even if I’m a good actress, my private life has turned into a disaster. I’ve been trying to concentrate all the time on that stupid movie about Catwoman just to hide my uneasiness, but I’ve been actually feigning all the while”.